It is easy for kids to feel forgotten about in a divorce. They never asked you to split, and they would probably have preferred you did not. Now, through no fault of their own, many of the certainties they could rely on are up in the air.
However flexible and adaptable you think your kids are, all kids need stability. Not a monotonous routine, but the sort of stability that allows them to plan their life around knowing certain things to be true.
For example, they know they have friends they can talk to at school. They know that you will take away their phone for a day if they stay out past their curfew time. Or they know they can make plans with friends for a Saturday afternoon.
Consider how your custody agreement will increase or decrease stability
As divorcing parents, it is easy to forget that the primary aim of any custody agreement should be to do what is best for your kids. Or as the courts term it, to do what is “in the child’s best interests.”
That might mean foregoing the outcome that you would prefer. For instance, you would like to pack up the kids and move across the country and never see your spouse again. That might work for you, but it won’t be so great for the kids.
Firstly, they probably want to see their other parent. Secondly, moving far away will disrupt other areas of their life. They will lose school friends, their weekend routine of training with the sports team and so on.
If you want to make a wholesale change to life, consider if the benefits that you can give your kids outweigh the disruption to them. Kids are adaptable, and they can build new routines in a new place. Yet when they are already reeling from divorce, what they really need is stability.
Understanding your legal options will be crucial to ensure you get the best outcome for you and your kids when you divorce.
